Ten reasons I'd Never Invite My Heroes to Sleep Over
(even if I weren't already happily married)
by Sabrina Jeffries
1. The last time I checked, piracy was illegal. Which means harboring a pirate is illegal. Which means sleeping with a pirate... Well, there must be a law against it somewhere.
2. My guest room is only big enough for one person. So where would I put the hero's sworn enemy, valet, first mate, best friend, ex-mistress ... you get the picture.
3. Good mutton is hard to find in my part of the country.
4. All that long, thick hair would wreak havoc on my plumbing, not to mention how it would make the tub and sink look after a bath or a shave. You just know those guys never clean their whiskers out of the sink.
5. I've got no secured area for storing sabers, knives, muskets, pistols, etc.
6. There's no setting on my clothes dryer for leather. And have you ever tried to get a grease stain out of a doublet? Sheesh!
7. I'm fresh out of grog, claret, and port.
8. Any hero worth his salt can impregnate a woman who's using three kinds of birth control and wearing a chastity belt, and I've had all the children I intend to have, thank you very much.
9. My neighborhood isn't zoned for horses.
10. I like to sleep occasionally. And you know those heroes with their marathon lovemaking capabilities...
And here are mine!!
1. I like biting, but not the contagious kind. I'd like to keep what little sanity and humanity I have.
2. He gives a whole new definition to the phrase "being eaten"
3. A guy getting inside ya is kinda hot.. but not when he's controlling my entire molecular structure. You know what I mean?
4. His mate has rabies and she also bites.
5. I'm sure my thread count isn't high enough for him.
6. When he has temper tantrums, he floats the furniture. I like my stuff in whole pieces, not broken ones.
7. Admitting he is in any way attractive would suddenly be taken as sexual invitation.
8. He would slam his giant head into all my door frames.
9. Being sniffed like a bitch in heat is so not sexy to me.
10. I know exactly how big his junk is, which removes half the thrill.